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Thursday, July 28, 2011

The adventures of Spleen Man!

Ok, here's the deal: apparently, I can regenerate. That's my super-power.
Let me explain: during an ER visit late one night, it was discovered, through a CT scan that my spleen was larger than normal. That's not really a life threatening problem, except that mine had gotten large enough to extend past the protection of my ribcage. Again, still not a problem, unless I get in a car accident or something similar. Then, the spleen could suffer damage, which is kind of a big deal.
So, I get referred to a surgeon, schedule a spleenectomy (that's actually what the procedure is called), and get it removed. Another visit to the ER, another CT scan later reveals...wait for it...I have another spleen! The only logical conclusion is that I am capable of regeneration, like an octopus, or something.
I'm trying to think of a way to make this ability a commercial venture. Maybe I could become a spleen farmer? The only issue is; there's not a huge demand for spleens (obviously, you can live without one). Now, if I can figure out how to grow kidneys or lungs, or something equally in demand, I'm in business.
Like anyone with super-powers, I'll have to struggle with the decision to use my powers for good or evil.
Also, Batman has a trusty sidekick, so I guess I'll need one of those too.
How does this sound: "Once again, the day is saved by Spleen Man and Liver Boy"?
I'll work on it.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Life, Baseball & Palestinians

I love baseball. It is the perfect game.
It is also the perfect metaphor for life. Think about it: it's a team sport, but half the time, it's up to you alone to perform, (think family, contrasted with your individual existence). There is no fixed time limit (no one knows how long they have). If you're successful around 30% of the time, you're considered to have had a good career (We all struggle with success at varying points). It's difficult to be a stand-out hitter (anything in life worth having doesn't come easy). I could go on, but you get the point.
What do Palestinians have to do with this? Not a lot, except that if I was the GM of a MLB team, I'd have to consider recruiting Palestinian kids as outfielders. They spend all day throwing rocks at tanks and riot police. Think about how that could translate into a Hall of Fame centerfielder.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Francis Baily: genius or moron?

Ol' Frank was the one who first used the phrase "a stitch in time saves nine."

Is this a linear or quadratic equation? For example: do two stitches in time save 18?
Nine stitches in time save 81? You get the point.
Look, I get his point, but when this phrase was coined, people spoke much more imaginatively, picturesquely more eloquently. Then Francis comes up with this rudimentary gem. I don't like it. Why not "Time saved today, rewards tomorrow"? or something more aesthetic?
Francis Baily, you disappoint me. You sir, are no Thomas Reid, who said: "a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link". True, both literally and figuratively. That's good stuff.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Gather 'roun chillren.

This will be a collection of miscellaneous thoughts, ramblings, questions and generally useless stuff.
Pick out a spot around the campfire and sit a spell.

Firstly: Deep Thoughts.
If the shoe fits, it's probably your shoe. You should look for the other one.

Why do referees have numbers? Seriously. Why?

Tacos are very tasty, but poorly designed. Now that the NASA boys have some time on their hands, can we get someone to improve the Taco Delivery Container System?

More later. (if you behave)

Echo Four Bravo